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Bangkok Hash House Bikers Established 1992
It's not just mountain bike riding, it's an adventure!
Last Revised: 25/04/06
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Rides:- 242/243 22/23 April 2006. Location:- Nakhon Nayok, Phu Khao Ngam Resort
Hares:- Viney Hora, Rajiv "Dragon Breath" Koghar, Karan "Happy Cramper" Saluja
Saturday
Perhaps assuming that the scorching sun was warm-up enough, our first-time hares granted us not the merest hint of foreplay - within minutes of exiting the stylish Phu Khao Ngam Resort, we had our first wet encounter, splashing through a waterway.
It was shortly after this that I had my first sighting of paper seemingly directing us back the way we had come but actually just on the wrong side of the road (this practice of placing strictly rationed paper to both left and right ensured regular social interface with one’s co-bikers as we rode back and forth past one another).
With a greater abundance of paper, the tempo soon mounted and any inexperience on the part of our hares was expertly disguised with a repertoire of checks and the occasional u-turn amidst a picturesque (and mercifully flat) terrain. I witnessed a spectacular contre-temps involving Brian and an inexplicable jumping tree branch with the subsequent inquiry in the circle attributing liability to Pencil Flasher. Things were to get steamier as we were lead into the jungle for a hot and sticky march that sapped at our remaining ardour. Later still, whilst battling through razor grass in an effort to locate paper, we were taunted by jubilant calls of ‘Over here!’ from a couple of hashers on an evidently unreachable bridge. Black Udder vowed in unChristian terms that there would be a harsh penalty for this misguided pretence at assistance and inappropriate level of cheerfulness and sure enough, justice again prevailed later in the circle.
Climaxing at a hearty cadence, the familiar sight of our lodgings was a relief for many and the consensus in the circle (including very late comers, Deepak and Rebecca) was one of complete fulfillment. That evening we were to be introduced in full to the wellbeing benefits of ‘German Electrolyte’. Naming ceremonies abounded and we had the honour of witnessing the christening of ‘Froggy Style’, ‘Any port will do’ and ‘Seaman Scrubber’.
Later that evening, after convening for our customary convivial dinner, we had the rare treat of a captivating game entailing a spoon and lots and lots of string. With the exception of the resultant chafing, I suspect my recollections from that point on differ somewhat from my fellow hashers but suffice to say a fantastic and not uneventful night was enjoyed by all.
Sunday
Arising late, I missed the extraordinary spectacle that was to be the subject of an exhaustive inquiry throughout much of that day. An ornate (and somewhat controversial) sculpture of bicycle wheels had formed overnight and the chaos wrought amongst hashers who don’t sleep with their beloved bikes was immediately apparent.
The mystery unresolved, we rolled off on the ‘hangover’ ride which turned out to be anything but. The hares’ claims of a 20km ride seemed entirely reasonable but the cranium-jarring boulder-strewn trail did little to ease my frail constitution. Thankfully, there was a mid-way stop which was a charming, lush and tranquil waterfall streaming into an invigorating pool of cool, clear water. At least, that’s how it probably looked 5 minutes before we arrived and the somewhat astonished locals kindly made room for us. Returning down the same rocky trail, we enjoyed several more water crossings before the drinks stop. I was later chastised (somewhat unjustly I felt) for acknowledging with my horn some of the golfers at play who subsequently felt it necessary to complain to our resort. It was a novel ride in that it had several possible endings – I elected to do the previous day’s ride, a few chose the official Sunday trail whilst the vast majority were SCB’s who did neither.
Sunday’s circle was a very lively affair indeed. Top of the agenda was a court hearing involving all suspects in the great wheel heist. Through process of elimination, this efficient inquiry quickly narrowed the number of suspects down to a couple of dozen before reaching a verdict of 24 down downs and a well hung jury.
Next up was a centenary celebration, Weedeater having clocked up (yes clocked up) 100 rides. He was invited to commemorate the achievement through re-enacting a selection of 100 of his favourite sex positions – in a somewhat surprise move, he selected No Meat as his preferred accessory and the convincingly erotic performance that ensued received rapturous applause.
In a final naming ceremony, Wolfgang’s double blow job saw him christened ‘Shitty Shitty Bang Bang’ before a startling confession sent shockwaves through the circle as Grant and Jason admitted to being the perpetrators of the nocturnal wheel crime. Uproar and double down downs ensued before the circle was dismissed for poolside electrolytes.
On On to Ayutthaya
Lubric*nt
